Comments for Alef: The NEXT Conversation http://www.alefnext.com Just another WordPress weblog Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:43:56 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 Comment on My Father’s Name was Lewis Lander by Rita http://www.alefnext.com/whats-so-funny/my-fathers-name-was-lewis-lander/comment-page-1/#comment-2187 Rita Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:43:56 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4609#comment-2187 Thank you for this, Ian, it was wonderful to read. Thank you for this, Ian, it was wonderful to read.

]]> Comment on The Virgin Chronicles by Stephanie S http://www.alefnext.com/the-sex-issue/the-virgin-chronicles/comment-page-1/#comment-2184 Stephanie S Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:19:20 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4377#comment-2184 This is great-- really really great! This is great– really really great!

]]> Comment on The Set Up by Stephanie S http://www.alefnext.com/whats-so-funny/the-set-up/comment-page-1/#comment-2182 Stephanie S Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:09:53 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4593#comment-2182 Truth is always stranger than fiction, but not as strange as your actual cousin..hahaha Truth is always stranger than fiction, but not as strange as your actual cousin..hahaha

]]> Comment on My Father’s Name was Lewis Lander by Stephanie S http://www.alefnext.com/whats-so-funny/my-fathers-name-was-lewis-lander/comment-page-1/#comment-2181 Stephanie S Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:05:30 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4609#comment-2181 This is a beautiful piece, I'm sure he's proud and laughing right along. Nice work Ian! :) This is a beautiful piece, I’m sure he’s proud and laughing right along. Nice work Ian! :)

]]> Comment on 09: What’s So Funny? by yaakov http://www.alefnext.com/featured/09-whats-so-funny/comment-page-1/#comment-2073 yaakov Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:20:45 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4506#comment-2073 A priest and a Rabbi sitting next to one another on a long flight. Bored, the priest turns to the Rabbi and asks: "So as a Rabbi, you keep Kosher?". "Yes" replies the Rabbi. "You've never tried something against the rules, like maybe a BLT?" asks the priest. "Yes, once, on a trip to Madrid" admits the Rabbi, "I ordered and ate a BLT". "Good, wasn't it?" says the priest.... An hour passes and then the Rabbi asks the priest "So you are a Catholic priest, which means you are celibate?" "Yes, I am " "But have you ever, maybe just once, broken the rules and been with a women?" inquires the Rabbi. "Well, once, while away in Paris, I visited the red light district, and yes, I had sex with a woman", admits the priest. ...a moment passes, then the Rabbi smiles and says, "A lot better than pork, isn't it." A priest and a Rabbi sitting next to one another on a long flight. Bored, the priest turns to the Rabbi and asks: “So as a Rabbi, you keep Kosher?”.
“Yes” replies the Rabbi.
“You’ve never tried something against the rules, like maybe a BLT?” asks the priest.
“Yes, once, on a trip to Madrid” admits the Rabbi, “I ordered and ate a BLT”.
“Good, wasn’t it?” says the priest….
An hour passes and then the Rabbi asks the priest “So you are a Catholic priest, which means you are celibate?”
“Yes, I am ”
“But have you ever, maybe just once, broken the rules and been with a women?” inquires the Rabbi.
“Well, once, while away in Paris, I visited the red light district, and yes, I had sex with a woman”, admits the priest.
…a moment passes, then the Rabbi smiles and says, “A lot better than pork, isn’t it.”

]]> Comment on The Set Up by yaakov http://www.alefnext.com/whats-so-funny/the-set-up/comment-page-1/#comment-2070 yaakov Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:03:46 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4593#comment-2070 Funny piece. Actually, I've know a nice, pretty single Jewish girl that loves funny writers. Maybe you two.... Funny piece. Actually, I’ve know a nice, pretty single Jewish girl that loves funny writers. Maybe you two….

]]> Comment on The Set Up by Ruvym http://www.alefnext.com/whats-so-funny/the-set-up/comment-page-1/#comment-2068 Ruvym Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:52:53 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4593#comment-2068 I have a mixed-feeling sort of relationship with set ups. On the one hand, I appreciate that someone is thinking of me. On the other hand I sometimes feel that people have no idea who I am. Either that or they just don't go through the mental process of realizing that just because one person is a female and the other person is a male, doesn't mean that they'll get along with each other. I have a mixed-feeling sort of relationship with set ups.

On the one hand, I appreciate that someone is thinking of me.

On the other hand I sometimes feel that people have no idea who I am. Either that or they just don’t go through the mental process of realizing that just because one person is a female and the other person is a male, doesn’t mean that they’ll get along with each other.

]]> Comment on Jewish Identity Through Burlesque by caprice bellefleur http://www.alefnext.com/the-sex-issue/jewish-identity-through-burlesque/comment-page-1/#comment-1780 caprice bellefleur Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:27:04 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4422#comment-1780 @yaakov Her name is even better than you think. She's from Minneapolis. @yaakov Her name is even better than you think. She’s from Minneapolis.

]]> Comment on 09: What’s So Funny? by Ruvym http://www.alefnext.com/featured/09-whats-so-funny/comment-page-1/#comment-1768 Ruvym Wed, 03 Mar 2010 16:20:14 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4506#comment-1768 I'm a huge Larry David fan and so whenever he complains extensively about the smallest of things because they annoy him, I tend to see this as an over-the-top expression of classic "Jewish" humor. But perhaps we'll leave the whole "Jews like to complain" idea for another issue... I’m a huge Larry David fan and so whenever he complains extensively about the smallest of things because they annoy him, I tend to see this as an over-the-top expression of classic “Jewish” humor. But perhaps we’ll leave the whole “Jews like to complain” idea for another issue…

]]> Comment on Do You Have The Touch? by memdaletpey http://www.alefnext.com/the-sex-issue/do-you-have-the-touch/comment-page-1/#comment-1757 memdaletpey Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:56:17 +0000 http://www.alefnext.com/?p=4505#comment-1757 A few weeks ago, I went on a date with someone who was Shomer Negiah, meaning, someone who doesn’t engage in physical contact with members of the opposite sex. The expectation of no touching was there from the start of the date, but the thought of not being able to even hug him was a turn-off for me. ========== - Good. To be turned on just by the view of the member of opposite sex equates you with animals. To be turned on by his/her intellectual, spiritual, personal qualities – that’s what makes humans different from animals. A touch, especially at a young age, when body is overcharged with raging hormones, can be an electrifying shock. This is exactly the purpose of Shomer Negiah – to hold off, to restrain the physical part of you and to focus your emotions on the person and not his/her body. ========== Physical boundaries can be useful at times. Hugging someone you haven’t seen in a long time is gratifying at first, but the sensation does not last forever. It makes me question the reasoning behind Shomer Negiah. Is the idea that touching a person of the opposite sex makes you want to have them sexually? ========== - When you eat sugar without restrain, you eventually lose the taste of it and start consuming it more and more. Same with hot pepper. Same with relations with the opposite sex - touching/hugging/kissing/sexing etc. Your emotions lose their sharp edge and wear out. Hugging/kissing etc, becomes to you no more than a socially acceptable ritual, not bearing any emotional charge. This brings up in a person casual attitude towards sexual relations that later transpires in marriage. ========== Or does an observant man not want to shake my hand in fear that I am menstruating and am considered “dirty”? Is he afraid of what his wife would say if she saw us shaking hands? I have a hard time understanding the problem with basic physical contact. ========== - It is impossible to develop (and then – to follow) a set of sophisticated rules for all human beings and all circumstances, what sort of contact is acceptable and what is not. Should the looking be allowed? No? Then, what about public transportation? How can you avoid seeing? Shaking hands? What about business meeting? What about business meeting in Poland, where up until recently it was customary to kiss a lady’s hand? Or, before kissing her hand should you inquire if she’s menstruating? Hence the universal rule, plain and simple to follow – no physical contact, period. ========== Orthodox rabbis and other observant folks who argue in favor of Shomer Negiah claim that it heightens the sexual experience once you finally engage in sexual activity with someone you love. ========== - Heightening the sexual experience is a by-product of Shomer Negiah, not its goal. The goal is to bring self-discipline and responsible attitude in relations between sexes. ========== They say that in the end, it isn’t all about sex anyways – it’s about love and closeness between two people. ========== - Their view represents a colossal social experience accumulated over many thousands of years. ========== They also mention that divorce rates are much lower among those that follow the practice. ========== - The divorce rate is indeed, much, much lower in orthodox communities than in secular environment. However, it would be a mistake to attribute it to only one factor, in this case – the Shomer Negiah. The communal life based on religious principles, with clearly defined behavioral rules, is conducive to preserving family relations. Behavioral rules – meaning, not only in relations between sexes. A marriage may experience stress coming from different directions – relations between spouses, between a spouse and a parent, between a spouse and a child, etc. In atomized secular environment you’re always alone with your problem, and neither you nor your adversary have any idea of standard behavioral patterns promoted by accumulated social experience of society – since there is no society around you. So, the familial boat is rocked by unrestrained emotions more and more until it capsizes. Not so when you live in the Jewish orthodox community. It is not only you who works on restraining of your unruly child – it is the whole community, where to be rude with parents is not “cool”. Your personal efforts are boosted by the child’s peer pressure. And so with many other challenges that a marriage faces over its life. You who are married and live in secular environment, please understand that statistically you have 50% probability of divorce. That is, of yourself and all your friends one half will end up in divorce. ========== I’m not trying to degrade the Orthodox community, I just want to point out that throughout the life of an average human being, most people have multiple sexual partners (A study conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention in 2007 showed that men average seven partners throughout their lifetime). ========== - First of all, it is not surprising that of all organizations it is exactly the Center for Disease Control and Prevention engaged in these studies. Which clearly indicates the degrading role of promiscuity in human life. Then, this average number is irrelevant with regard to a structured society. For example, amongst the homosexuals sexual contacts are measured by dozens, if not hundreds, whereas amongst Amish people or, for that sake, members of Jewish orthodox communities, this number is in lower singles. ========== Many children are taught to hold off on any sort of sexual activity until marriage. However, I was taught that sexual desire, and eventually in later years, sexual activity, was acceptable. My parents still warned me about consequences of having too many partners and always encouraged me to use protection. ========== - How many is “too many”? ========== …and that it’s dangerous and potentially disappointing to walk blindly into a commitment when you haven’t experienced the physical side of that person. Sex cannot make a relationship, but it can certainly help strengthen its bonds. ========== - This is a myth. If there is love and understanding between two people then all their problems, sexual or otherwise, are manageable. If there is no love – no amount of sex howsoever blissful will be able to hold the marriage together. This was recognized and understood long, long ago. This is why the traditional Jewish attitude towards sex is to put emotional and spiritual ahead of physical. Whether it works you can see in statistics. ========== There are many different viewpoints on whether it is okay to share your body with a person who you are not bound to by a legal contract. ========== - Children sometimes happen after sex. The contract, or any sort of a public ceremony, is a commitment of the parties engaged in sex, to accept responsibilities for potential consequences. Without it, a woman and a child – that is, the more vulnerable part of a family that did not happen to be – are on their own. ========== Either way, we all have sex eventually. Here’s where some religiously-observant people argue that having sex before marriage defiles the true purpose of sex. ========== - That depends on the point of view. In traditional Jewish thinking, which amongst other things promotes self-discipline, any action or inaction should have its purpose. The sex without a goal of strengthening marital bonds or conceiving a child, is considered senseless, and as such should have no place. ========== We are all, regardless of our level of religious observance, prone to extra-marital affairs… ========== - This is a very wrong assumption indicating just how far the destructive thinking, nurtured by casual attitude towards sex, went. A person who is in true love with a dear and trusted partner, confidant and lover will only cringe and squirm at very thought of falling in bed with somebody else. The offer of a quickie will be accepted with disgust. A few weeks ago, I went on a date with someone who was Shomer Negiah, meaning, someone who doesn’t engage in physical contact with members of the opposite sex. The expectation of no touching was there from the start of the date, but the thought of not being able to even hug him was a turn-off for me.
==========
- Good. To be turned on just by the view of the member of opposite sex equates you with animals. To be turned on by his/her intellectual, spiritual, personal qualities – that’s what makes humans different from animals. A touch, especially at a young age, when body is overcharged with raging hormones, can be an electrifying shock. This is exactly the purpose of Shomer Negiah – to hold off, to restrain the physical part of you and to focus your emotions on the person and not his/her body.
==========
Physical boundaries can be useful at times. Hugging someone you haven’t seen in a long time is gratifying at first, but the sensation does not last forever. It makes me question the reasoning behind Shomer Negiah. Is the idea that touching a person of the opposite sex makes you want to have them sexually?
==========
- When you eat sugar without restrain, you eventually lose the taste of it and start consuming it more and more. Same with hot pepper. Same with relations with the opposite sex – touching/hugging/kissing/sexing etc. Your emotions lose their sharp edge and wear out. Hugging/kissing etc, becomes to you no more than a socially acceptable ritual, not bearing any emotional charge. This brings up in a person casual attitude towards sexual relations that later transpires in marriage.
==========
Or does an observant man not want to shake my hand in fear that I am menstruating and am considered “dirty”? Is he afraid of what his wife would say if she saw us shaking hands? I have a hard time understanding the problem with basic physical contact.
==========
- It is impossible to develop (and then – to follow) a set of sophisticated rules for all human beings and all circumstances, what sort of contact is acceptable and what is not. Should the looking be allowed? No? Then, what about public transportation? How can you avoid seeing? Shaking hands? What about business meeting? What about business meeting in Poland, where up until recently it was customary to kiss a lady’s hand? Or, before kissing her hand should you inquire if she’s menstruating?
Hence the universal rule, plain and simple to follow – no physical contact, period.
==========
Orthodox rabbis and other observant folks who argue in favor of Shomer Negiah claim that it heightens the sexual experience once you finally engage in sexual activity with someone you love.
==========
- Heightening the sexual experience is a by-product of Shomer Negiah, not its goal. The goal is to bring self-discipline and responsible attitude in relations between sexes.
==========
They say that in the end, it isn’t all about sex anyways – it’s about love and closeness between two people.
==========
- Their view represents a colossal social experience accumulated over many thousands of years.
==========
They also mention that divorce rates are much lower among those that follow the practice.
==========
- The divorce rate is indeed, much, much lower in orthodox communities than in secular environment.
However, it would be a mistake to attribute it to only one factor, in this case – the Shomer Negiah. The communal life based on religious principles, with clearly defined behavioral rules, is conducive to preserving family relations. Behavioral rules – meaning, not only in relations between sexes. A marriage may experience stress coming from different directions – relations between spouses, between a spouse and a parent, between a spouse and a child, etc. In atomized secular environment you’re always alone with your problem, and neither you nor your adversary have any idea of standard behavioral patterns promoted by accumulated social experience of society – since there is no society around you. So, the familial boat is rocked by unrestrained emotions more and more until it capsizes. Not so when you live in the Jewish orthodox community. It is not only you who works on restraining of your unruly child – it is the whole community, where to be rude with parents is not “cool”. Your personal efforts are boosted by the child’s peer pressure.
And so with many other challenges that a marriage faces over its life. You who are married and live in secular environment, please understand that statistically you have 50% probability of divorce. That is, of yourself and all your friends one half will end up in divorce.
==========
I’m not trying to degrade the Orthodox community, I just want to point out that throughout the life of an average human being, most people have multiple sexual partners (A study conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention in 2007 showed that men average seven partners throughout their lifetime).
==========
- First of all, it is not surprising that of all organizations it is exactly the Center for Disease Control and Prevention engaged in these studies. Which clearly indicates the degrading role of promiscuity in human life. Then, this average number is irrelevant with regard to a structured society. For example, amongst the homosexuals sexual contacts are measured by dozens, if not hundreds, whereas amongst Amish people or, for that sake, members of Jewish orthodox communities, this number is in lower singles.
==========
Many children are taught to hold off on any sort of sexual activity until marriage. However, I was taught that sexual desire, and eventually in later years, sexual activity, was acceptable. My parents still warned me about consequences of having too many partners and always encouraged me to use protection.
==========
- How many is “too many”?
==========
…and that it’s dangerous and potentially disappointing to walk blindly into a commitment when you haven’t experienced the physical side of that person. Sex cannot make a relationship, but it can certainly help strengthen its bonds.
==========
- This is a myth. If there is love and understanding between two people then all their problems, sexual or otherwise, are manageable. If there is no love – no amount of sex howsoever blissful will be able to hold the marriage together. This was recognized and understood long, long ago. This is why the traditional Jewish attitude towards sex is to put emotional and spiritual ahead of physical. Whether it works you can see in statistics.
==========
There are many different viewpoints on whether it is okay to share your body with a person who you are not bound to by a legal contract.
==========
- Children sometimes happen after sex. The contract, or any sort of a public ceremony, is a commitment of the parties engaged in sex, to accept responsibilities for potential consequences. Without it, a woman and a child – that is, the more vulnerable part of a family that did not happen to be – are on their own.
==========
Either way, we all have sex eventually. Here’s where some religiously-observant people argue that having sex before marriage defiles the true purpose of sex.
==========
- That depends on the point of view. In traditional Jewish thinking, which amongst other things promotes self-discipline, any action or inaction should have its purpose. The sex without a goal of strengthening marital bonds or conceiving a child, is considered senseless, and as such should have no place.
==========
We are all, regardless of our level of religious observance, prone to extra-marital affairs…
==========
- This is a very wrong assumption indicating just how far the destructive thinking, nurtured by casual attitude towards sex, went. A person who is in true love with a dear and trusted partner, confidant and lover will only cringe and squirm at very thought of falling in bed with somebody else. The offer of a quickie will be accepted with disgust.

]]>